Sex Ed

TALKING TO YOUR DAUGHTERS ABOUT SEX

(These are my notes from a talk I gave on How to Talk to your Children about Sex.)

Children today want specific information and BEFORE WE THINK THEY DO.

Sex Education begins when they are very young, inviting them to ask you whatever is on their minds. What you want is an openness with your child so they will ask you ANY question - not just about sex and drugs, but anything.

Sometimes you bring up the subject of sex, sometimes they bring it up. Reading a book together is a great way to talk about sex. You need to make sure you have read the book first. Use any excuse to bring it up - “You know I went to this talk this morning about how to talk with your child/adolescent about sex and I realize that we haven’t talked about sex lately” - or I know that you must be curious or have questions, most kids do, I did when I was a kid...what are some of the things you wonder about?

After you have a conversation about sex, come back to it later - “you know, after we talked yesterday about sex, I was thinking about it and my guess is that you have been thinking about it too. I am wondering if there is anything else you wonder about?”

If you don’t know the answers to their questions tell them you don’t know and suggest the two of you find out together.

If you find yourself feeling awkward, admit it: “This is hard to talk about sometimes because it is so private; sometimes I feel awkward but I really want to talk to you about sex.”

Some times we have to put their questions into words: Are you wondering when your body will change; are you wondering if intercourse would hurt, are you wondering how long two people date before they have sex?

“I am not sure if I answered your whole question and one question always leads to others. Let’s keep talking.”

Everything does not need to be talked about at once. It is not a good idea to rush things or our explanations. New information can be scary until it is understood. We need to INVITE our children to talk to us. Kids DO have questions about sex. If they aren’t asking questions, wonder why. Children are most likely interested but don’t know how to bring up the subject.

YOU DECIDE HOW SPECIFIC TO GET

It is a step by step process that begins very young, being comfortable talking about your child’s body with him/her and talking about your own body.